Death to Meteorology

I swear to god the weatherman has a boner. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen, but it's true. With two storms recently forming and making landfall, even his wife has never seen him so hard.

June is like a month of foreplay as hurricane season gets underway. Even before the tropics become active, they can get away with talking about last year's season, and how important it is to prepare. They offer you those free tracking maps so you can hang them on your kitchen wall and trace the progress of each storm with them. They show footage of themselves last year, clad in yellow rain suits, being blown about, debris narrowly missing them as they tell us to stay inside.

Then season actually starts, and like pimply-faced boys at the junior prom, they're basically hunching your leg through the television as they report the coordinates of the first storm of the season. It could be a million miles away from any sort of land, and yet they'll get all wound up over it. And of course, they'll never tell you that "This storm will not pose any sort of threat to the state", but instead, have to tell you to "keep watching as we track the path of this potentially dangerous weathermaker over the next 24-48 hours."

It's just disgusting. Have some remorse, or at least feign sympathy for those of us who lost everything we owned while you sat there creaming your BVD's because your ratings were going through the roof. And for God's sake! Stop over-sensationalizing. Yes, we all know that we need to prepare early. We don't need reminders of that in January. And those of us who are too lazy to go out and buy supplies early, (myself included) let us stand in ridiculous lines and get ripped off. At least then, you can work the "I told you so" angle into your next broadcast.