Good intentions

I've been meaning to post something here. Really, I have. It's just that there doesn't seem to be a whole lot to talk about. I realize that recently this place has gone from it's originally intended purpose of posting something "deeper" than just the daily crap into just a bunch of silly mommy rambling.

Now, don't get me wrong. I can ramble with the best of them, and mix that with my cute little munchkin, and it's a logical progression, isn't it? But I've just been feeling uninspired lately.

So, I could tell you about how things ain't so great right now. How the mortgage check bounced this month and how peanutbutter and jelly is now a four course meal. I could tell you about how Wil and I don't fight over the money, or the lack of money, because we just really don't talk at all. I could tell you about how I feel totally useless because I don't have a "job". Sure, I work my butt off, but I'm not earning anything, and that makes me feel like I have negative value or something. I could tell you that I should be looking for a job right now, but Wil doesn't want me to becuase it would injure his male pride and make him feel like a failure. My logic is, at least he'd be a failure with some money in the bank account.

I could tell you how I knit a half-dozen dishcloths this weekend because any time my hands are still I realize just how unhappy and (dare I say it?) depressed I've become.

I could tell you about how I've gained about 15 pounds since I quit working, despite the fact that my eating habits haven't really changed. I guess I never realized how physical my job was at the clinic. I probably walked well over 5 miles a day hunting charts and checking pets in and out. I also lifted 50-80 lbs constantly. I need to start making myself get out and do more exercise. It's just so hard with J. He doesn't like riding in his stroller anymore, preferring the wagon. The wagon is heavy and strains your shoulder after a mile or so of dragging it. I suppose I could walk backwards. :) But seriously, I can't afford to gain anymore weight. I mean, I'm just now getting to the point where I threw out all my fat clothes and have a somewhat acceptable amount of clothes in an appropriate size. It would break my heart to have to buy bigger sizes again.

Yes, that was incredibly vain.

I could tell you how I checked out Mason Dixon Knitting on Saturday and that I read it from cover to cover, and fell in love with at least half the stuff in there. What I loved most wasn't the patterns themselves, but the ideas behind them, and the creative approach to knitting. It made me laugh as she told the story of her son's 8 lb ball of collected yarn and the ugly rug knit from it. It was just, overall, an entertaining read and gave me some much needed inspiration.

I also checked out another knitting book that was less impressive, but there was one pattern in there that I'm going to give a try. It's a simply, bulky little toddler jacket. Nothing fancy or intricate, but it'll be my first attempt at knitting something with sleeves. I have no idea why that scares me. :) The pattern calls for chenille to make it chunky and lightweight, but I'm not sure I'm going to go that route. Not a big fan of chenille, and I don't know that J would be either. So, I'm in the market for some bulky, inexpensive, yarn that'll make a cute boyish jacket. I saw some camo yarn in the store the other day and thought that it would make the perfect little boy jacket-- not to mention it would impress the pants of Daddy Dave. We'll see. Right now I'm not buying any yarn at all. Not until this stack of bills gets addressed.

The one glimmer of hope here is that, since his old supervisor was fired for stealing quite a bit of money, Wil's pay has been re-evaluated. All this time, the driver who was on-call was supposed to be payed a certain amount for his on-call time, regardless of whether they went out or not. Sort of an inconvenience pay for having to stick close to home and answer that evil phone all day and night. So, for a year Wil's been pulling on-call and not getting paid unless he actually got in the van and drove somewhere. And who wants to get out and drive 140 miles round-trip at 3 in the morning if they don't have to? Now, they're being paid something like $3 an hour for carrying the phone, and then getting their regular rate for actually going out.

This was Wil's on-call week, and so, 7 days of carrying the phone 24 hours, plus he put in at least 20 hours of overtime. It's not going to make us rich or anything, but it'll put us back on an even playing field, and that will feel pretty darn good.

So, this has been enough whining and rambling for one morning. See, I told you I had nothing to blog about.