So that I will stick with it

It's not easy to admit you're a fatass. Sure, you can look in the mirror every day and see the fat rolls and you can put on your plus-sized clothes and feel sorry for yourself, but it's hard to admit in public that you actually disgust yourself.

Ok, so that sounds harsh. But if the old cliche is right, I am my own worst critic. The only problem is, I lack the determination to do anything about it. Before I became pregnant I was heavy, but I didn't really consider myself fat. I fit into my favorite pair of jeans, I had a decent ass, and one could take my picture without risking bodily harm.

Now, eight months post-birth, I am still wearing some of my maternity clothes, simply because I don't stand a chance of fitting back into anything I wore prior.

I suppose I've always been sort of chunky, and I'm not looking to be super-model thin, but I do want to lose some of this weight. I want Jonas to look back at pictures of his childhood and not be embarrassed by the way I look.

Over the last month I've been making an effort to eat better. It's paid off. Already, I've dropped about 12 lbs. My clothes are starting to hang on me a bit more loosely. But 12 lbs is only the beginning.

Ok, the cold hard numbers.

Right now:

Height: 5'7"
Weight: 175 lbs. (eek)
Bust: 39"
Waist: 37 1/2"
Hips: 43"
Currently wearing a size 16 jean- a little too big, but no way am I squeezing into a 14 yet.

My goal is to get somewhere in the 150 range, and be able to fit into a size 12 and look good. I'm really more interested in the way I look than the size I am or what the scale says.

It's just depressing when you go shopping and none of the stores carry a size you can wear. Most of my wardrobe right now consists of oversized t-shirts and baggy jeans. I shop primarily in the men's section.

Maybe putting the cold hard numbers out here where the world can see them will keep me motivated to eat right and exercise.