Tomorrow

If I could take a picture of my desk right now, I'd share it with you in all it's jumbled glory. Just to reach the keyboard I'm having to stretch over a pile of bills, a stack of reciepts, a cat and a flashlight. Why the hell there's a flashlight on the desk is still a mystery. I'm assuming it was something pried from J-man's little hand and placed out of his reach, but I'm not sure.

Seriously, there's not a single inch of empty space on the thing. I can't work like this. I can't stand clutter. You wouldn't know it to look at this house, but I'm really a neat freak inside. I need order and structure in order to function. This desk contains neither.

It's hard sharing space with a person who's such a polar opposite sometimes. Wil makes piles. That's how he organizes, piles. Stacks turned this way and that, and when the piles take over all the flat surfaces, he'll pile piles on top of piles. Hell, he's even dragged over a tv tray to accomodate the things that no longer fit on the desk. It's truly disgusting.

Tomorrow is my last day off for a while. Natasha goes on maternity leave as of Friday. It seems like I'm always the one that gets screwed when someone takes time off. What part of part-time employee do they not understand? I don't want to be there at all anymore, much less six days a week, 12 hours a day. It's just ridiculous, but quitting is not an option yet, so I suppose I have to suck it up and play by their rules.

I'm almost manic with all the things I need to get done tomorrow. You'd think, being my last day off and all, I'd plan something relaxing... maybe a few lazy hours at the coffeehouse with a good book, or maybe a stroll around the park with Jonas, but no, instead, all I can think about are all the chores I need to get done in order to maintain some level of cleanliness around here once I don't have the time for daily touch-ups.

And that brings me to my next delimma. I love my cats dearly. They're like furry children to me, but they've gotta go. It's a truth I've been wrestling with for a while, but I can't put it off much longer. Not only do I suspect that my son is somewhat allergic to them, hence his constantly runny nose, wheezy chest and red eyes, but I don't need the extra burden of having to clean up after them constantly. You see, I don't have the sort of cats that just laze around in sunny patches all day. My cats are like 12 week old puppies. They get into everything, chew things up, constantly demand attention. They have effectively ruined my entire house. Before Jonas I had more patience with them, but now I don't have the time for it, and it's not fair to them. And I'm tired of my house constantly smelling like a litter box. I clean it twice a day, and maybe it's all in my head, but I can't stand even the idea that my house might smell like a dirty litter box. Ick. Not to mention Jonas has recently taken an interest in that cool little sandbox the cats play in.

So I've got to find them homes. I'm not just going to drop them off at the shelter or toss them out the door, I'm going to do it the right way and make sure that they're happy wherever they end up. I'm not getting rid of them because I hate them, I'm getting rid of them because I want something better for them than what I'm giving them. Isn't that what a responsible owner should do? Or maybe this is all a bunch of bullshit to convince myself that I'm not just being selfish and irresponsible. Either wy, they're going.

And in other news... remember that whole diet thing I was doing? Yeah, the one where my goal was to get into the 150's and be able to wear a size 12. Well, today I weighed in for the first time in a while and I'm at 149, and even my size 10 jeans are feeling a bit baggy.

Sure, that's reason to celebrate and all, but I still don't see myself as thin. Not at all. Now I just look like a heap of leftover skin with a long skinny face. And I was just sure I'd be more attractive when I got smaller. Now I'm starting to wonder if maybe I was more attractive when I was fat. At least then I wasn't saggy and droopy all over. I don't know if there's any amount of gym that can fix me.

And this, my friends, has been a load of negativity.

No shit.