Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Mother plays piano

Ok, so I've been searching online all afternoon for airfare to Memphis. I'm bound and determined to be there this year. I mean, hell, it's bad enough that it's been an entire year since I've seen any of my family, and now, with Daddy Dean so sick, I feel like I HAVE to go.

Homecomings are awkward, to put it mildly. I think I've always sort of been on the outside of the family, walking some delicate line between the two sides. There's Dad's side... the quiet country folks that live way out, and then there's Mom's side, the more sophisticated, city folks. And somewhere in the middle I sit, trying to evenly divide my time between the two. Lord knows you can't give one side more than the other, lest you leave everyone feeling jilted.

And now, I start my rant. Jessica, if you're reading, I'm sorry for any feelings I'm about to hurt.

Last week, before the news came in about Daddy Dean, and I was just considering going to Memphis to visit and there wasn't a real purpose, Mom sort of lead me to believe that she was going to be able to get me a ticket, no charge, or at minimal cost. She works for a company that allows her such luxuries. So, that sort of set the wheels in motion. If I could get there for a small amount of out of pocket, why wouldn't I go?

So then we start discussing our plans, Wil and I, and we decide that we really should go. Jonas deserves to see his family, they deserve to see him. But then the news comes in about Daddy Dean, and that seals the deal. We HAVE to go. There's nothing like a little terminal illness to get the wheels in motion, eh?

I start investigating ticket prices- they're astronomical. So I find the cheapest fare out there, and I call my Mom, who then gracefully side-steps the money issue and makes it clear that I'm on my own here.

Of course I am.

If it were her father that was sick (God rest your soul, Grandaddy) you'd better believe the fare would be paid, but now that it's Dad's family, Dad should be footing the bill.

And that's the way it works, you see, when the family is divided. It's always one side or the other that should be responsible, and not a group effort, even if both sides stand to benefit from the situation.

I just don't think it's right to take advantage of a situation like this, to turn someone's impending death into a financial findfall. I mean, if she could get me a ticket before, why, all of a sudden can she not?

And left to do this on my own, it's certain that Wil won't be able to come at all, and it's even doubtful that I can go alone. I mean, I don't exactly have $300 earmarked for impromptu vacations. If I had an extra three hundred dollars I wouldn't be driving a shitbox car that has three warning lights lit on the dashboard a funny noise coming from under the hood, a slipping transmission, and is overdue by about 9000 miles for an oil change. And that's the car we consider the "good" one.

If this were a first time event in my life that my mother had fed me some sort of empty promise, or turned something around on me, I might be a little less peeved about it, but it seems like she'll take every opportunity she gets to inflict some sort of hardship on me. Of course, it's done in the most innocent way possible.

Yes, mother plays piano, but nowhere near as well as she plays me.

Happy holidays y'all.

2 Comments:

At 6:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sis, you didn't hurt any feelings at all. I'm actually on your side 100% here.
I don't really think Mom was insinuating that she wouldn't help pay for your tickets, though; I think she wanted your dad to cooperate and help foot the bill rather than pay for all of it. I think she assumed that he'll be coming to Memphis too anyway, since it is his dad that's dying after all, even if it's not the case.

I'm sorry you feel like Mom let you down...you know, actually, now that I think about it, she does stuff like this all the time. But I digress. I am sure Mom will help you get those tickets out here, and if she doesn't, I already told her I was going to start a Paypal fund and ask all my friends to donate $5 to the cause. I know that even if 100 or so of them donated that it wouldn't come near covering all of the costs, but if it needs to be done, I'll give it a try.

I'm determined to have you here for Christmas. Do you realize how little I get to speak with you or see you? I've always felt like an outsider in the family (maybe due to an age difference...not sure really), and it's really cool to have at least one family member I get along with. The holiday season always depresses the crap out of me, and having you & Will and little Jonas here would make me really happy.

Anyway, this is starting to turn into a novel so I'll cut this short. Hope you had a good turkey day.

Love you.

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger Mommyleek said...

Hey Jessica, thanks for understanding. Sometimes you just have to rant.

I have a feeling that, based on your second paragraph, you've discussed this with Mom already. I'm sure that Dad would cooperate, if I were to ask him. Although I really don't think I have any right to ask him to do so when he foots the bill for so many other things for me. Hell, I still owe him for car repairs and a water softener from like five years ago, not to mention the $5000 he loaned me when I closed on this house 8 years ago. Or the thousands he blew on a college education I totally wasted. Maybe Mom doesn't realize just how much Dad already shells out just to keep me afloat. It's not that I'm ungrateful, and in Mom's eyes my Dad has always been the rich one, ya kow? Since he has all the money it's only fair that he do these things.

Whatever. I'll get there, one way or the other. I've just got to sit down and figure it out.

Don't go raising any funds for me. Heck, Erin suggested that I ebay off all the junk in my shed. That's actually not a bad idea. Might give that a go.

And yes, I do realize how distant we are. Believe me, it's not because I don't love you, sis. I've always been proud of you, even in some of your "darker" moments. I've always known that you'd turn out to be better than the rest of us. Even from a young age you had that spark of genius, and that self-mindedness that the rest of us lack. You stand up for yourself and what you feel is right no matter how many people are opposed. I wish you lived closer, we'd hang out all the time, you know.

Anyway, long story short, I'll be there one way or another. Maybe not with Wil, since two tickets would be next to impossible, but I WILL be there.

 

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