Fifteen Hours

For the first time in 15 hours, I am sitting down. Sitting down and doing nothing. You'd think I'd enjoy this moment, with Jonas and Wil over at his parents, and the house relatively quiet. But I'm not one to loaf about. No, it's just not in my blood. Since waking this morning I have put in a full day at work, visited with both sides of the family, cleaned the litter box, swept the tile, vacuumed the carpets, washed the dishes, cleaned out and organized Jonas's dresser, bagged up all of his outgrown clothes to return to their respective donors, or give to charity, and I'm on my second load of laundry. Not bad for a day's work, eh?

But the day hasn't ended yet, and though I am exhausted, I can't seem to stop. Now I'm getting ready to drag all of these boxes full of hand-me-down hand me downs out to the shed until they can be reunited with their proper owners.

And I can't help but think about how fortunate I've been, despite all of the rough things we've been through in the past year. Without friends, family and co-workers, I don't know if we would have been able to survive at all.

So here, for the world to see, or at least the few folks that stop by, I am going to try and list all of the kind things that have been done for us. If I miss anyone, I'm sorry, but after 15 hours of hard labor, my mind is a bit frazzled.

1. Debbie- She loaned us a stroller, carseat, baby monitor, and changing table pad. She also gave us a metric ton of clothing and linens.

2. Cindy the cleaning lady- 40 lbs of gently used baby clothes. (It really is 40 lbs.-- I weighed the box on the scale at work. Various toys her grandson had outgrown/had no interest in.

3. Cindy, the punk girl that got fired for having the balls to be herself- a gift certificate for a fancy restaurant that Wil and I still haven't found time to go to. Maybe one of these days.

4. My parents- for financial support when there were no finances. For all the food we've pilfered from their cabinets over the past year. For moral support and a swift kick in the ass when needed. For making sure Jonas had a Christmas, and a birthday worth remembering. For all the little things here and there, like clothes, a high-chair, a playpen.

5. Wil's parents- For unlimited hours of babysitting so that we don't have to pay for a full week at daycare, and for the occasional dinner sent home when I'm just too damn tired to cook. For the money and savings bonds set aside for Jonas. For being brave enough to move away from secure jobs and friends in order to be here with us.

6. For Heidi- who understands and listens when I'm at my most insane. Who lets me cry without question, and who listens to me brag about my son incessantly. For beers shared on a back porch, and for medical records looked up when doctors weren't talking. For spending days, and nights, in the hospital with us even after pulling a double in the Emergency room. For bottomless coffee, laughter, and just plain old there-ness.

7. The Pediatrician's office- For putting up with my non-stop phone calls, seeing my son on the spur of the moment, and for stopping at nothing, despite my lack of financial resources, to get to the bottom of every last one of his illnesses. For not considering me a Munchausen Mom or calling me a hypochondriac for having a persistently sick kid.

8. For you, my friends, for listening to me babble on and on about just about everything and nothing. For giving me support through words. For being the friends that I don't have in "real" life and for sharing my laughter and tears.

9. For the girls and guys at work who, not only put up with my constant absence, but also raised over $400 to give us so that we could eat and pay bills while Jonas was in the hospital. For all of your understanding, frustration, and flexibility with my schedule. I may bitch and moan about the hours I put in, or that I'm burnt out on the job, but I've never worked with a more tight-knit and caring bunch of people.

10. For my husband, who, after a long day, still takes the baby for at least half an hour so that I can shower, or just be alone.

11. For my dog who must have an iron bladder. I apologize for all of the times I've made you wait for ungodly unreasonable amounts of hours just to go outside and pee. For understanding that the foot of the bed is the only acceptable place on the bed for you, and even that's a stretch. For not tearing the baby's face off when he grabs your tail or tackles you. You're a good girl, and will always be one of my dearest friends.

12. For my cats, who put up with insane baby torture on a daily basis. I promise the fur will grow back eventually.

13. God/Goddess/The All- call it what you will- for blessing me with the opportunity to be a mother. For trusting me with this enormous responsibility and giving me the strength to go on day after day, set back after set back. For giving me courage, beauty, humility, and health and laughter. Sometimes the laughter more than anything else.

14. Most importantly, my son, for making each moment of my life seem magical. For waking every morning with a smile, even when smiling hurt. For forgiving me for not being the best mommy in the whole world and for understanding that I'm doing my absolute best. For being a trooper through all of the needles and x-rays and ultrasounds. For tolerating the nebi. For the promise of a lifetime of things to be proud of. I love you, son, more than you can possibly comprehend.