Rain, rain, rain

Is it possible that the weather understands my mood?

It's raining. What else is it going to do with a tropical storm blowing through? It just seems appropriate that the weather should turn this way when I'm feeling all soggy and slushy inside.

It's hard to explain, really. Things are just... blah.

My husband and I are sort of on the outs right now. I can't put my finger on the cause. Maybe it's the fact that we are more like two strangers living under a common roof. God, what I'd give just to feel like I'm a part of his life. Just part of something.

We aren't fighting or anything, just sort of stuck in this quiet static.

I need to feel wanted and needed for more than just laundry and dishes. Need to feel like I'm more than just some financial burden. I need to feel sexy, desirable, more than just the stranger on the other side of the room... the bed.

Physically, I'm in better shape than I've been in years, and yet I feel frumpy, out of place, ugly. I guess we're never truly happy with who we are unless there's some sort of validation from an outside source.

Now, I'm not one of those people that's all "look at me! Look at me!" or anything, but every once in a while I do need a bit of acknowledgement. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.

I realize that this post isn't going anywhere, and that it lacks any sort of cohesion. My apologies. Sort of a reflection of my internal discontent.

Anyway, back to work.