Grumpasaurus

Everyone else's blog that I read seems to be filled with optimism and cheeriness. It must be spring on the way, the lengthening of days and warming of the sun. Me, I'm just not feeling it. I guess it has to do with all the stuff going on- the refi, the prospect of quitting my job, of starting out on a new path. Whatever it is, I'm in one of those funks.

I dreamed last night of being with old friends, particularly Eric. He was my closest friend in Jr. High and High School. We spent nearly every waking moment together, shopping, movie watching, cruising around in my rusted out old car- in which I gave him his first driving lesson. (He failed miserably, btw) He was like the other half of me in that way that you never forget. We completed each other, and yet, we had no interest in being "together". We were just two friends, comfortable in each other's presence at all times.

He moved away in my junior year, and it was like losing a part of myself. (yeah, I know, what a cliche!) But it truly was. We kept in touch as best as two kids can prior to the days of MSN messenger and the like. We'd snail each other letters so thick that the envelopes would nearly be bursting. (I still have them)

But time has a way of moving people, and memories along, and we sort of drift away. We've always managed to stay somewhat connected, only now, it's more like once or twice a year that we hear from each other.

He's now Arianna, well on his way to becoming the person he was meant to be- a beautiful woman. I know that most people would be completely freaked out by the thought of their best friend undergoing a sex change, but I find complete joy in it. It's like watching a flower finally blossom.

In my dreams last night he was Eric again, the sweet boy with the long dark hair and glasses that sat on the hood of my car with me, under the shade of old oaks, smoking Marlboro's and contemplating the vastness of the universe.

I miss him.

What a tangent this post took, eh? I meant to tell you about the way I'm sick of picking Jonas up filthy from daycare, with no report. The way I'm tired of the coldness between Wil and me, and the way the animals seemed to be on a mission to destroy the house yesterday. I was going to tell you about how, while I was cleaning up the animal's messes Jonas decided that the toilet was just as good as his watertable for floating toys, or the way that the ants have taken over my hallway. I was going to tell you about the fact that we're closing on Wednesday, and Wil has cold feet about me quitting my job, and so, despite all of the trouble with daycare, and the fact that I'm so unhappy with my employment situation, I can't leave yet.

But to be honest, I sort of prefer to just sit here and soak up the memory of my friend. The rest will be there later to complain about, right?