Questionable

After wrestling the first dose of Jonas's meds into him this afternoon, I had a lot of high hopes for some rather quick resolutions. Within an hour of his first codeine dose he actually drank, and quite a bit. Ok, like 7 ounces, which is a lot, considering the fact that he hasn't really drank more than 2 ounces at a time all week. But looking at him now, sleeping that fitful, narcotic induced sleep where he's really awake, just too zonked to open his eyes, I'm wondering if I'm doing him any favors at all.

I've changed only one diaper all day, and that one was only slightly wet. He's refused any subsequent beverages, still refuses food at all. The lesions on his face look even angrier than they did before I started the anti-viral cream and oral meds. Maybe that's a sign that they're starting to heal? I don't know, but it looks terrible. His lips are swollen, red, blistered. His breath is so foul you can hardly stand it.

Maybe I'm just expecting too much too soon, but I'm just not seeing any improvement.

Isn't it strange how you can gave such a firm grasp on everything the doctor is saying while you're in the exam room, but the moment you get home, it seems like you can't remember a thing they said? Jonas could have one of three things going on right now- hand, foot and mouth disease, herpangina, or a strain of herpes. The first two are both caused by coxsackie virus, the third, well, it's herpes. And it's sort of hard to swallow the herpes thing, simply because the disease has such a weight to it. I mean, coldsores and chickenpox are herpes strains, and fairly common, but you say herpes and everyone takes a big step back, ya know? And we don't really know which one it is. A herpes culture would take roughly a month to come back, and therefore pointless. And now that I'm home I'm wondering all these things, like if it IS herpes, is it a form that will come back, and with what frequency? Will he be plagues with these awful mouth ulcers for the rest of his life? Is it a one-shot deal, like chickenpox?

In all reality, it's probably the cox virus, since there have been a lot of cases of it lately, according to the doctor. But that does very little to ease my mind when my baby's face looks like raw hamburger.

And I just want him to drink something. Doc says he's hydrated enough to not be critical, as long as I'm changing two wet diapers a day, he's ok. But he's right on the border with that, and if the pain killers aren't making it any easier for him to drink, am I making him a zombie for no reason?

All this over Jonas, and I go and read Erin's blog and know that she's hanging onto sanity by a very thin thread. Poor Nova's on a roller-coaster ride for his life. I wish I could fix him, help him, do something to make it easier on all of them. And I feel so helpless, and so far away. Please keep them in your thoughts, they need all the positive energy and prayers and help they can get.

On that note, I'm going to cuddle up with my zombie-boy and hope that soon, very soon, he wakes up thirsty.