Impossible

I've sort of come to the realization that finding the ideal daycare situation may not be possible. I've called nearly everyone in this town and have been less than impressed by most. Others have left me lukewarm, and even the one that I spoke with last week that sounded like a sure thing was just sort of "eh" once we went for a tour. The place was nice enough, I suppose, but I felt like the staff was less than enthusiastic. Granted, it was cleaner than the place he currently attends, and the class size was smaller, both positives. But they seemed somewhat disorganized, and there was something else I couldn't quite put my finger on while we were there, but finally hit me once we were home: his class had no window at all. Claustrophobic. While that may not bother J so much, it just felt weird to me. How can you design a building with no windows? That, and there was a parent registering her child in the lobby. The child was, perhaps 10 or so, and was obviously registering for before and after-school care. Ummm.. this child had tatoos- two of them visible. Yes, real tats. Not the kind you get out of the quarter-eater in front of the grocery store. Hand-drawn, blue ink, sloppy prison looking tats. Creepy. And while I know that a daycare facility has little or nothing to do with the appearance of children, it makes me wonder what kind of kids and parents this place caters to.

I get this image of picking Jonas up one afternoon with a mohawk, wearing a pair of sunglasses and a wifebeater smoking a little candy cigarette.

And I know I'm probably being overly-critical and picky about the whole thing, but seriously, if I'm paying someone to watch my child, and to nurture him and enrich his learning, I'd like to find someone or somewhere I feel at least remotely comfortable with.

It's overwhelming, daycare hunting. There are so many things to factor in, and on top of those, there's also the mommy gut reaction to certain things. One place told me that they teach the children how to eat with a fork and spoon properly and if the children are "smacking" their food, they correct them. Ok, sounds like a good thing until you consider that my 19 month old son just doesn't have the coordinating yet for proper eating and chewing politely. We do good to get food in him at all most of the time. I wonder how much more frustrating feeding would be if it also included discipline for sloppy manners?

Yes, paranoid mommy here. I totally admit that.

I'm considering home childcare again. I know we had a rough start with that in the beginning, but J's a little too old to put in a closet without a fight now, and I think he'd do better in the smaller, more intimate setting. When we visited centers today, I could feel him tensing up and feeling overwhelmed just walking through. Sure, part of that is separation anxiety and the fear that I'm going to be leaving him. But part of it is also that he's relatively shy/slow to warm. I just think that these mega kid centers full of noise and activity are too much for him at times.

Does the ideal arrangement even exist? Perhaps not, but I don't see the point in moving him from one mediocre environment to another one just for the sake of moving him. So I suppose, unless something along the lines of a miracle develops in the next few weeks, he'll stay where he's at until I become the domestic goddess that I so desire to be.