Grrrr

It's 10 pm, the night before J's second birthday and I'm full of all sorts of emotions.

There is, of course, that sweet nostalgic feeling of looking at my big boy and wondering where the sweet little baby went. Looking back at pictures from last year's party, I realize just how much he's grown in the past twelve months. I mean, he wasn't even standing on his own at last year's party! Amazing! I guess we take for granted all the things our babies learn to do in such a short period of time.

And then there's the exhaustion of party planning and party prep. Man! I'm beat tonight! I spent about six hours today baking the biggest, gaudiest Thomas the train cake you can imagine! It's huge and colorful and there's a big train sitting atop it! The food is prepped, the table is set, and now all we need are guests.

That's another story all to itself. I've had one actual RSVP, aside from that, I know that Wendy and Steven and Granny and Daddy Dave will be attending, and Wendy talked with Heidi and so I know that she's coming. And I talked to Mary today, and she and Devi are dropping by, but Mary has to go to work. But all of my other invitations- not even a call. Ugh.

And the in-laws... should I even go there? Yeah, I should because I swore that I wouldn't, but I have, and so now I must go there.

Wil sort of, kind of hinted to me that his parents didn't want to come to the party about a week ago. He said that they felt out of place because they didn't speak English. But then he told me that his father wanted to come, but that his mother was still on the fence about it. And then today, thinking that it might make them feel more useful, I asked him to ask his mom if maybe she'd make some beans and rice to go with the food. We all know that the spanish momma makes the best beans and rice in the world! Even then, he made no indication that they weren't planning on coming.

Now, earlier in the week, when he hinted that his Mom didn't want to come, I told him, through gritted teeth, that I wouldn't be offended if they didn't come, and that I understood how she felt. But honestly, I don't think I prepared myself for an actual rejection. I just assumed that they'd set aside their differences and come because it IS THEIR GRANDSON'S PARTY!!!

So, long story short, they're not coming. Which I figured out, not because anyone told me, but because his father gave me their camera when I picked J up this evening and asked me to take pictures for him.

So now, even though I swore that there wouldn't be any hard feelings, there are. And I'm trying my best to get over them. But at the same time I'm wondering why in the hell I've spent this much time and effort trying to make the best birthday party ever when no one else seems to give a damn one way or the other.

Ugh.

But really, it's all about J and his big day, and he's going to have the greatest damn party in the world, even if it is just him and me.